Thank you to those of you who have visited this blog (at this point 1,654) and special thanks to those of you who Emailed me to say the workshop ideas were helpful. Yesterday, after 10 years of treatment and follow-up, my oncologist declared me cancer free!
I have met many new friends through my blog and have been inspired by the courage you exemplify and the experiences you shared. With appreciation to all of you I am announcing that I shall no longer be initiating posts on this blog (Fear Not, Learning from your Cancer), though it will remain 'out there', and I will be happy to respond to anyone with comments or questions.
The good news is that I will be starting a new blog, Grandmother Time. This new blog will be an updated version of a book I published earlier. It is no longer in print, the rights have been returned to me, and I look forward to sharing ideas and exercises from this book with grandmothers near and far.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
How to use this Blog
There are a number of ways this blog might be helpful.
1. It can be used in a support group of cancer survivors. Helps in creating such a group are included at the back of the book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer under "Leader's Guide" This section includes "How to get started", "How to get participants", "Problems you may encounter," "Goals for each session."
2. If you wish to do the study alone, read the first 6 Chapters of the book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer using this blog as a supplement to this study.
3. Or, just ruminate and ponder a particular aspect of cancer found in one of the 26 posts of this blog, e.g. "Patience", or "Humor" or "Gains and Loses." Share your thoughts on a particular topic under "Comments."
In each of these 3 options, a 6 week study is suggested, starting with looking at who you are, moving from your cancer diagnosis through aspects and ways of coping during treatment, to ways of living in this new phase of your life. All with the purpose of learning about yourself through personal growth and self-understanding. This blog does not offer medical advice but is about seeking a fuller and richer life for yourself through self-understanding.
Instructions:
A. Begin with page tab-"Introduction"-at the top of the blog. Read suggested Posts under this page tab. Decide if you want to keep a journal and gather supplies needed for this study.
B. Going in sequence read the suggested posts under Part1 through Part 6. Each Part tab has at least three posts corresponding with the 6 chapters in the book. Be aware that to do the workshop in sequence you must scroll down to "older posts" to find the beginning posts.
1. It can be used in a support group of cancer survivors. Helps in creating such a group are included at the back of the book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer under "Leader's Guide" This section includes "How to get started", "How to get participants", "Problems you may encounter," "Goals for each session."
2. If you wish to do the study alone, read the first 6 Chapters of the book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer using this blog as a supplement to this study.
3. Or, just ruminate and ponder a particular aspect of cancer found in one of the 26 posts of this blog, e.g. "Patience", or "Humor" or "Gains and Loses." Share your thoughts on a particular topic under "Comments."
In each of these 3 options, a 6 week study is suggested, starting with looking at who you are, moving from your cancer diagnosis through aspects and ways of coping during treatment, to ways of living in this new phase of your life. All with the purpose of learning about yourself through personal growth and self-understanding. This blog does not offer medical advice but is about seeking a fuller and richer life for yourself through self-understanding.
Instructions:
A. Begin with page tab-"Introduction"-at the top of the blog. Read suggested Posts under this page tab. Decide if you want to keep a journal and gather supplies needed for this study.
B. Going in sequence read the suggested posts under Part1 through Part 6. Each Part tab has at least three posts corresponding with the 6 chapters in the book. Be aware that to do the workshop in sequence you must scroll down to "older posts" to find the beginning posts.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
History of this Blog
It all began with my personal experience with cancer. The next step was writing the book, Fear Not. Learning from your Cancer. Then workshops on the book began and finally this blog with examples from the workshops.
As I thought of the development of this blog I was reminded of the Nursery rhyme, "The House that Jack Built."
Here is a Cancer Survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here is the Book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here are the Readers all tattered and torn,
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn.
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here are the Workshops, a special few
Who wanted to tell their story too.
From the readers all tattered and torn
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn,
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here is the Blog posted on line
With comments from their cancer and mine.
Growing out of the workshops, a special few
Who wanted to tell their story too,
From the readers all tattered and torn
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn,
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Now its out in the Blogisphere
Attracting viewers, far and near.
Where will it go next? It's up to you
If you are a cancer survivor too.
As I thought of the development of this blog I was reminded of the Nursery rhyme, "The House that Jack Built."
Here is a Cancer Survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here is the Book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here are the Readers all tattered and torn,
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn.
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here are the Workshops, a special few
Who wanted to tell their story too.
From the readers all tattered and torn
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn,
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Here is the Blog posted on line
With comments from their cancer and mine.
Growing out of the workshops, a special few
Who wanted to tell their story too,
From the readers all tattered and torn
Cancer survivors feeling forlorn,
Who read the book the survivor wrote
From many a jotting and many a note,
To help the cancer survivor
Who needed something to revive her.
Now its out in the Blogisphere
Attracting viewers, far and near.
Where will it go next? It's up to you
If you are a cancer survivor too.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Chapter 6 Gains or Losses?
It is time now to pause and take stock, to consider where you have been and what you have learned.
Though new and encouraging discoveries are being made constantly, cancer is still a frightening word to many, a forecast of a death sentence.
It surprises some persons to hear that many more cancer survivors experience "gains" rather than "losses" through this period. "I didn't realize there could be anything positive about it", one survivor said.
Make a list in your journal: what have you lost with cancer and what have you gained?
Most in my cancer classes agreed with Pat, a cancer survivor, who wrote: "When I think of what cancer took from me I come up with a very short list: 1. a non-essential body part and 2. a few rather tough weeks out of my life. The things cancer gave me make a longer list---"
Following are some quotes from cancer survivors on the positive side of cancer, the gains. They seem to fall into four categories.
1. Awareness of your strength and resilience:
"Cancer has empowered me to be myself."
"I am dealing with a powerful illness that I have fought successfully once and can and will do it again and again if I need to."
"I have inner strength. It took a crises for me to realize it."
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
2. Deepened relationship with others:
"I have learned how kind and thoughtful people are."
"Cancer opened my heart to the beauty of others."
"I learned the absolute joy of simply hugging people."
"You realize you are not alone."
3. A changed attitude, striving less to recover what you have been, more to discover what you might be.
"I have rearranged my priorities."
"I don't sweat the small stuff anymore."
"I have changed my perspective."
" I was always getting ready for rainy days and I was missing the days of sunshine."
"I try to be open to all possibilities."
" No time to dwell on "Why Me?" Its time to say "What Now?"
"Remembering misery I am living in gratitude."
" As is sit and reflect on the past year it is not the pain, nausea or even the many needle sticks that I remember but the many wonderful people and blessings that have come into my life'
" I've faced my mortality and learned to live life to the fullest."
4. Appreciation of the gift of life itself.
"Life is more precious."
"I am more sensitive to the presence of God, not rules to be followed or spiritual tricks to perform, just companionship with God."
"Sickness was a force that brought growth and seasoned understanding and led me to a new depth of happiness."
"I believe in miracles."
"I realize the value of my life and the importance of each day."
Life after a critical illness does not go back to where it was before. As these survivors testify, the unwanted experience can make you richer and surer.
Though new and encouraging discoveries are being made constantly, cancer is still a frightening word to many, a forecast of a death sentence.
It surprises some persons to hear that many more cancer survivors experience "gains" rather than "losses" through this period. "I didn't realize there could be anything positive about it", one survivor said.
Make a list in your journal: what have you lost with cancer and what have you gained?
Most in my cancer classes agreed with Pat, a cancer survivor, who wrote: "When I think of what cancer took from me I come up with a very short list: 1. a non-essential body part and 2. a few rather tough weeks out of my life. The things cancer gave me make a longer list---"
Following are some quotes from cancer survivors on the positive side of cancer, the gains. They seem to fall into four categories.
1. Awareness of your strength and resilience:
"Cancer has empowered me to be myself."
"I am dealing with a powerful illness that I have fought successfully once and can and will do it again and again if I need to."
"I have inner strength. It took a crises for me to realize it."
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
2. Deepened relationship with others:
"I have learned how kind and thoughtful people are."
"Cancer opened my heart to the beauty of others."
"I learned the absolute joy of simply hugging people."
"You realize you are not alone."
3. A changed attitude, striving less to recover what you have been, more to discover what you might be.
"I have rearranged my priorities."
"I don't sweat the small stuff anymore."
"I have changed my perspective."
" I was always getting ready for rainy days and I was missing the days of sunshine."
"I try to be open to all possibilities."
" No time to dwell on "Why Me?" Its time to say "What Now?"
"Remembering misery I am living in gratitude."
" As is sit and reflect on the past year it is not the pain, nausea or even the many needle sticks that I remember but the many wonderful people and blessings that have come into my life'
" I've faced my mortality and learned to live life to the fullest."
4. Appreciation of the gift of life itself.
"Life is more precious."
"I am more sensitive to the presence of God, not rules to be followed or spiritual tricks to perform, just companionship with God."
"Sickness was a force that brought growth and seasoned understanding and led me to a new depth of happiness."
"I believe in miracles."
"I realize the value of my life and the importance of each day."
Life after a critical illness does not go back to where it was before. As these survivors testify, the unwanted experience can make you richer and surer.
Chapter 6 Mystery
Pass the Chocolate--Pass the Tissues
Let's Talk about our Deeper Issues
In reviewing the learnings we have received from cancer we cannot bypass what we have learned about death. We agree that death is a certainty but until now most of us believed that it was something that happens to someone else--not us. Facing our own mortality is an opportunity cancer gives us. We are forced to face a greater pain than even our physical ailments. We are forced to resolve for ourself the issues of life and death.
We may discover with cancer that our faith which we thought until now was strong is indeed weak and our trust in God was shallow. Cancer demands more of us than the mouthings of faith. Cancer gives us the opportunity to learn how strong our faith really is. We learn to let go of a faith that is effort and will on our part and turn to a faith that is surrender. We learn to affirm the redemptive value of suffering, how being wounded brings about healing.
Time and again with cancer we realize our loss of control. All of us want to believe we are in charge, that by will and determination we will not only survive but conquer. But in order to maintain control we must have answers and with cancer there are no answers. Why Me? What is Death? Is life only random? Does nothing explain the unexplainable? It is a great mystery.
We affirm the ultimate, the highest we can know is that we do not know. St Augustine said, "If you understand it, it isn't God" but we find serenity in asking and the questions deepen.
With cancer we realize there is no time left for superficial spirituality. There is no time for greed, avarice, selfishness, competitiveness or pride. There is only time to see life as it really is--so precious--so lovely. We learn that we are never more alive than when we are looking death in the face.
Our focus for this study has been more about renewal than recovery. We will never be well in the same sense again. But we may be better. As well as learning our methods of coping--as well as finding our emotional strengths we can learn about our spirituality. There is no need to fear.
Joan Chittister said, "All of life is meant to teach us something--to give us opportunities to be better, stronger. Not miracles but strength and courage--insight and hope--vision and endurance.
Let's Talk about our Deeper Issues
In reviewing the learnings we have received from cancer we cannot bypass what we have learned about death. We agree that death is a certainty but until now most of us believed that it was something that happens to someone else--not us. Facing our own mortality is an opportunity cancer gives us. We are forced to face a greater pain than even our physical ailments. We are forced to resolve for ourself the issues of life and death.
We may discover with cancer that our faith which we thought until now was strong is indeed weak and our trust in God was shallow. Cancer demands more of us than the mouthings of faith. Cancer gives us the opportunity to learn how strong our faith really is. We learn to let go of a faith that is effort and will on our part and turn to a faith that is surrender. We learn to affirm the redemptive value of suffering, how being wounded brings about healing.
Time and again with cancer we realize our loss of control. All of us want to believe we are in charge, that by will and determination we will not only survive but conquer. But in order to maintain control we must have answers and with cancer there are no answers. Why Me? What is Death? Is life only random? Does nothing explain the unexplainable? It is a great mystery.
We affirm the ultimate, the highest we can know is that we do not know. St Augustine said, "If you understand it, it isn't God" but we find serenity in asking and the questions deepen.
With cancer we realize there is no time left for superficial spirituality. There is no time for greed, avarice, selfishness, competitiveness or pride. There is only time to see life as it really is--so precious--so lovely. We learn that we are never more alive than when we are looking death in the face.
Our focus for this study has been more about renewal than recovery. We will never be well in the same sense again. But we may be better. As well as learning our methods of coping--as well as finding our emotional strengths we can learn about our spirituality. There is no need to fear.
Joan Chittister said, "All of life is meant to teach us something--to give us opportunities to be better, stronger. Not miracles but strength and courage--insight and hope--vision and endurance.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Chapter 6 Patterns
In this chapter we will try to put the pieces together, to tie up loose ends and find some clarity.
First, congratulations for undertaking this study, for having the courage to not only face your serious illness but to seek to learn from it. And what have you learned about yourself so far?
Begin by flipping back through your journal to see what patterns emerge. Look for what works, images, or themes keep reoccurring. Discovering patterns of behaviour crystallizes new learnings about yourself. It helps clarify and reinforce new self-understandings. Not all discoveries are pleasant but all are edifying.
Here are some questions to guide you:
Let this just be a beginning. Hopefully you won't stop learning about yourself through every stage of your cancer. Continue to work to expand, correct, and understand with new, more sensitive antennae for detecting experiences, past and present. These dark nights are given us for a reason. If not treated as growth they will destroy us.
First, congratulations for undertaking this study, for having the courage to not only face your serious illness but to seek to learn from it. And what have you learned about yourself so far?
Begin by flipping back through your journal to see what patterns emerge. Look for what works, images, or themes keep reoccurring. Discovering patterns of behaviour crystallizes new learnings about yourself. It helps clarify and reinforce new self-understandings. Not all discoveries are pleasant but all are edifying.
Here are some questions to guide you:
- Did any fears continue to resurface? Ponder where these fears may have come from. How did or do you deal with them?
- Where did (or do) you feel most challenged in your experience with cancer?
- Is there any unfinished business you need to attend to?
- Look closely. Is there some untapped potential in your life that cancer has revealed?
- Overall do you see a pattern of optimism or pessimism?
- What or who is your key influence during this period. Where do you find strength and hope?
- How are you dealing with the current changed circumstances in your life. How are you adjusting to life with cancer?
Let this just be a beginning. Hopefully you won't stop learning about yourself through every stage of your cancer. Continue to work to expand, correct, and understand with new, more sensitive antennae for detecting experiences, past and present. These dark nights are given us for a reason. If not treated as growth they will destroy us.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Chapter 5 Resilient Dignity
How can you maintain dignity with cancer?
As I was growing up, whenever I was facing a new or challenging situation, my Mother would say to me, "Remember who you are." I was surprised in my cancer classes at how many mothers had said this same thing to my students: "Remember who you are." This is good advice as we consider dignity and cancer.
There are so many things that strip away our personhood with cancer--things we normally associate and identify with ourselves. Parts of our bodies, previously kept private, are openly exposed. We are conveyed from one impersonal machine to another, sometimes without knowing why. Our formally sharp mind becomes foggy and confused. Our level of fatigue seems insurmountable. We begin to feel like a "thing"--a specimen to be impersonally studied. We long to be acknowledged as a person. It's time to "Remember who you are."
Getting relief from your symptoms is a helpful step in restoring dignity but dignity is more. It includes maintaining a sense of meaning and purpose and a sense of who you are as an individual.
The type of treatment we receive can have a dramatic impact on our sense of dignity. No matter what our level of dependency or need, we have a right to be treated with dignity. Yet the truth is we can't affect how other people treat us. No one can give us dignity. It is a product of self-respect, acceptance and self-honoring.
Questions arise: AM I still ME? Can I maintain or find the essence of who I once was, in spite of this cancer?
It is a good time to look back at the tree of ourselves that we created in Chapter 1. Study your life history. Pay special attention to the branches containing the fruits of good things you have already accomplished or the good that you have done or has been done through you. Accomplishments heighten your sense of dignity and self-respect. Think about what you are most proud of. In spite of illness the essential component that defines you is still there. To repeat: Dignity begins with our own self-respect, acceptance and self honoring. Remember who you are.
Have you known a person who maintained a sense of dignity during a cancer ordeal? In your journal name that person and reflect on his/her characteristics.
As I was growing up, whenever I was facing a new or challenging situation, my Mother would say to me, "Remember who you are." I was surprised in my cancer classes at how many mothers had said this same thing to my students: "Remember who you are." This is good advice as we consider dignity and cancer.
There are so many things that strip away our personhood with cancer--things we normally associate and identify with ourselves. Parts of our bodies, previously kept private, are openly exposed. We are conveyed from one impersonal machine to another, sometimes without knowing why. Our formally sharp mind becomes foggy and confused. Our level of fatigue seems insurmountable. We begin to feel like a "thing"--a specimen to be impersonally studied. We long to be acknowledged as a person. It's time to "Remember who you are."
Getting relief from your symptoms is a helpful step in restoring dignity but dignity is more. It includes maintaining a sense of meaning and purpose and a sense of who you are as an individual.
The type of treatment we receive can have a dramatic impact on our sense of dignity. No matter what our level of dependency or need, we have a right to be treated with dignity. Yet the truth is we can't affect how other people treat us. No one can give us dignity. It is a product of self-respect, acceptance and self-honoring.
Questions arise: AM I still ME? Can I maintain or find the essence of who I once was, in spite of this cancer?
It is a good time to look back at the tree of ourselves that we created in Chapter 1. Study your life history. Pay special attention to the branches containing the fruits of good things you have already accomplished or the good that you have done or has been done through you. Accomplishments heighten your sense of dignity and self-respect. Think about what you are most proud of. In spite of illness the essential component that defines you is still there. To repeat: Dignity begins with our own self-respect, acceptance and self honoring. Remember who you are.
Have you known a person who maintained a sense of dignity during a cancer ordeal? In your journal name that person and reflect on his/her characteristics.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Chapter 5 Humor
Cancer is a serious subject but we don't have to be so serious about it.
At first there is nothing humorous about cancer. You have worked through your feelings resulting from receiving your diagnosis. You have learned to live with cancer and identified your way of accepting it. (Chapter 3) Treatment is hard. You have examined your degrees of patience, endurance and courage (Chapter 4). You have dealt with some hard, stressful emotions. Now let humor lighten your stress.
Did you know you can Google "Cancer Jokes"? There are hundreds of jokes there, something for everyone's sense of humor. Maybe you enjoy physical jokes, like slipping on a banana peel or, verbal jokes where the use of a wrong word creates the humor. Cancer jokes contain a lot of Death Jokes but for those of us looking death in the face, these can be strangely comforting. They help us think about death without feeling threatened by it. My favorite are "Real Doctor's Notes". It makes me giggle to imagine a doctor on a hurried visit to your bedside, scribbling notes such as:
There are persons who seem to be able to find something humorous in any situation. Shelva, a student in one of my classes, was such a person. She took the uncomfortable symptoms accompanying cancer and viewed them humorously. When her operation for brain cancer left a large, zigzagged scar on the top of her bald head she told everyone it was a tattoo. She said it was a letter"S" and stood for her name.
The good news is you can develop you own sense of cancer humor. My classes enjoyed creating cartoons. There are some basic set captions used in many cartoons. We used these basic captions and applied them to cancer situations. Try it for yourself. Here are some of the answers we came up with. In capitol letters are the basic captions we used. In italics are some of the answers we created.
ARE YOU SURE WE ARE ON THE RIGHT ROAD? (a cancer patient in a hospital corridor begin wheeled to a maternity ward)
YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY. (an elderly cancer patient in a long, flowing blond wig)
WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? (nurse putting IV in the wrong place)
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST FEEL LUCKY TODAY. (cancer patient being taken first in a doctor's crowded waiting room.)
Laughter might not literally cure us but humor helps us focus on something besides our pain and promotes a lighter attitude in a heavy situation.
At first there is nothing humorous about cancer. You have worked through your feelings resulting from receiving your diagnosis. You have learned to live with cancer and identified your way of accepting it. (Chapter 3) Treatment is hard. You have examined your degrees of patience, endurance and courage (Chapter 4). You have dealt with some hard, stressful emotions. Now let humor lighten your stress.
Did you know you can Google "Cancer Jokes"? There are hundreds of jokes there, something for everyone's sense of humor. Maybe you enjoy physical jokes, like slipping on a banana peel or, verbal jokes where the use of a wrong word creates the humor. Cancer jokes contain a lot of Death Jokes but for those of us looking death in the face, these can be strangely comforting. They help us think about death without feeling threatened by it. My favorite are "Real Doctor's Notes". It makes me giggle to imagine a doctor on a hurried visit to your bedside, scribbling notes such as:
- "--on the second day the knee was better and then on the third day it disappeared" or
- "Discharge status: alive but without my permission" or
- "Patient has 2 teenage children but no other abnormalities" or
- "Patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in l993"
There are persons who seem to be able to find something humorous in any situation. Shelva, a student in one of my classes, was such a person. She took the uncomfortable symptoms accompanying cancer and viewed them humorously. When her operation for brain cancer left a large, zigzagged scar on the top of her bald head she told everyone it was a tattoo. She said it was a letter"S" and stood for her name.
The good news is you can develop you own sense of cancer humor. My classes enjoyed creating cartoons. There are some basic set captions used in many cartoons. We used these basic captions and applied them to cancer situations. Try it for yourself. Here are some of the answers we came up with. In capitol letters are the basic captions we used. In italics are some of the answers we created.
ARE YOU SURE WE ARE ON THE RIGHT ROAD? (a cancer patient in a hospital corridor begin wheeled to a maternity ward)
YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY. (an elderly cancer patient in a long, flowing blond wig)
WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? (nurse putting IV in the wrong place)
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST FEEL LUCKY TODAY. (cancer patient being taken first in a doctor's crowded waiting room.)
Laughter might not literally cure us but humor helps us focus on something besides our pain and promotes a lighter attitude in a heavy situation.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Chapter 5 Loss of hair
Losing your hair as many do with cancer treatments, is a very strange sensation. You get little clues. One morning a clump of hair comes out as you brush; a number of strains appear on your pillow; the drain in your shower is clogged with hair. You ignore these clues as long as you can. The bald spot on the back of your head becomes more and more visible and spreads. You have to brush hairs off your coat after every wearing and sweaters seem like hair magnets. You are definitely shedding, more and more profusely. It's going--going--GONE! At least that was my experience.
Others react differently. Some take an in-your-face attitude and defiantly have their head shaved at the first indication of hair loss. Jill had a "Shave My Head Bald" party. She called her friends and invited them to attend, wearing a hat to leave for her at the end of the party. With a sheet covering the floor she shaved her head as her friends stood around her, sang and cheered her on.
Wigs, turbans, scarves are solutions for some. Florenece, on her blog Perks with Cancer, posted four pictures of herself with different wigs and asked viewers to vote on which they liked best. Wigs are a great way to express some hidden part of your personality. Do you want to try being a sultry brunette, a glamorous blond, a perky redhead? Go for it!
Some take a light hearted approach. Shelva said her grandchildren called her the Great Bald Eagle. She would pop her wig off and on to surprise people.
Record in your journal what the experience was like for you, or share it here.
Then reflect on these questions: What does your hair mean to you? Hair is often associated with beauty in women, but where does beauty really come from? As I reflected on this question, suddenly "hair" news was everywhere. I was watching an episode of "The Incredible Race" on TV. One contestant refused the assignment to shave her head. In tears, she took a penalty rather than comply. Just yesterday an item was on the news about a 13 year old girl who was in Court for cutting off the long hair of a little 3 year old girl she did not even know.
Some see hair as a Power Statement. In the Bible we read how Samson's hair was his strength. When I was just beginning to recover my hair and had a short fuzz covering my head, an acquaintance, who did not know I had had cancer, walked up to me on the street and said, "I want to tell you how much a appreciate your "Strong Woman" haircut. She seemed disappointed when I told her it was not a "Strong Woman" haircut but a "Weak Woman" desperation. Loss of hair reminds us of how little power and control we have.
Loss of hair definitely makes a statement. Think of Skinheads and Monks and Cancer Survivors. All very different but each an example of profound transformation.
What does Hair symbolize for you--a symbol of beauty--a power statement--a profound transformation? How are you handling this situation? your ideas may help others.
Others react differently. Some take an in-your-face attitude and defiantly have their head shaved at the first indication of hair loss. Jill had a "Shave My Head Bald" party. She called her friends and invited them to attend, wearing a hat to leave for her at the end of the party. With a sheet covering the floor she shaved her head as her friends stood around her, sang and cheered her on.
Wigs, turbans, scarves are solutions for some. Florenece, on her blog Perks with Cancer, posted four pictures of herself with different wigs and asked viewers to vote on which they liked best. Wigs are a great way to express some hidden part of your personality. Do you want to try being a sultry brunette, a glamorous blond, a perky redhead? Go for it!
Some take a light hearted approach. Shelva said her grandchildren called her the Great Bald Eagle. She would pop her wig off and on to surprise people.
Record in your journal what the experience was like for you, or share it here.
Then reflect on these questions: What does your hair mean to you? Hair is often associated with beauty in women, but where does beauty really come from? As I reflected on this question, suddenly "hair" news was everywhere. I was watching an episode of "The Incredible Race" on TV. One contestant refused the assignment to shave her head. In tears, she took a penalty rather than comply. Just yesterday an item was on the news about a 13 year old girl who was in Court for cutting off the long hair of a little 3 year old girl she did not even know.
Some see hair as a Power Statement. In the Bible we read how Samson's hair was his strength. When I was just beginning to recover my hair and had a short fuzz covering my head, an acquaintance, who did not know I had had cancer, walked up to me on the street and said, "I want to tell you how much a appreciate your "Strong Woman" haircut. She seemed disappointed when I told her it was not a "Strong Woman" haircut but a "Weak Woman" desperation. Loss of hair reminds us of how little power and control we have.
Loss of hair definitely makes a statement. Think of Skinheads and Monks and Cancer Survivors. All very different but each an example of profound transformation.
What does Hair symbolize for you--a symbol of beauty--a power statement--a profound transformation? How are you handling this situation? your ideas may help others.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Chapter 5: Our bodies/an ever changing reality
The writer Annie Dillard, though not speaking to those of us with cancer, described us well when she spoke of "frayed and nibbled survivors." Sometimes when we look at our bodies that is just how we feel.
The bodily changes that cancer bring are a challenge. A new level of fatigue is something we learn to live with and, looking in a mirror we sometimes don't recognize the face looking back at us. There is a depth and sadness in our eyes that is different. Hard pain leaves its mark. Look at a child's expression. It is open, expectant, smooth with wide-eyed trust, vulnerable. This is gone for cancer survivors. We are taking, or have taken, a dark journey that no well person can share, and we are left with an indescribable imprint.
It helps us to remember that our body has always been changing. Science tells us that millions of cells in our body are changed and renewed every minute and in 7 years we do not have a single living cell in our body that was there 7 years ago. Try to recall what your body was like at 7 year intervals and record these changes in your journal.
Remember yourself at 7 years of age. I was _________________
Look how you had changed at 14. I was____________________
At 21_______________________________________________
At 28___________________________________________
Continue until your present age.
In doing so you are observing an ever-changing reality. "I" is something OTHER and MORE than the body.
How do you feel about your body right now? Sometimes it is hard for us to love this strange new body. One student wrote: "My body is like a poor cousin asking for more help than I care to give."
It helps to pause and thank our bodies for their continuous battle toward wellness as it tries so hard to repair itself. Your body works through great difficulties with amazing tenacity. The life force is strong. Thank the veins in your arms and hands for their endurance. Appreciate the beauty of bruises in their rainbow of colors and shapes. Thanks the scars that make broken places stronger. Put your analytical mind on hold and learn what the body itself can teach us.
The bodily changes that cancer bring are a challenge. A new level of fatigue is something we learn to live with and, looking in a mirror we sometimes don't recognize the face looking back at us. There is a depth and sadness in our eyes that is different. Hard pain leaves its mark. Look at a child's expression. It is open, expectant, smooth with wide-eyed trust, vulnerable. This is gone for cancer survivors. We are taking, or have taken, a dark journey that no well person can share, and we are left with an indescribable imprint.
It helps us to remember that our body has always been changing. Science tells us that millions of cells in our body are changed and renewed every minute and in 7 years we do not have a single living cell in our body that was there 7 years ago. Try to recall what your body was like at 7 year intervals and record these changes in your journal.
Remember yourself at 7 years of age. I was _________________
Look how you had changed at 14. I was____________________
At 21_______________________________________________
At 28___________________________________________
Continue until your present age.
In doing so you are observing an ever-changing reality. "I" is something OTHER and MORE than the body.
How do you feel about your body right now? Sometimes it is hard for us to love this strange new body. One student wrote: "My body is like a poor cousin asking for more help than I care to give."
It helps to pause and thank our bodies for their continuous battle toward wellness as it tries so hard to repair itself. Your body works through great difficulties with amazing tenacity. The life force is strong. Thank the veins in your arms and hands for their endurance. Appreciate the beauty of bruises in their rainbow of colors and shapes. Thanks the scars that make broken places stronger. Put your analytical mind on hold and learn what the body itself can teach us.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Chapter 4: Courage
We will spend one more session considering our times during treatment for cancer. Hopefully there will be something strengthening for those now undergoing treatment. For long term survivors we visit this time again, seeking insight. We acknowledge that one of our learning points is: Getting over it is knowing you will never get over it. You will never be "well" in the same sense again.
One overwhelming experience during cancer treatment is how easily we lose our humanity. We become a "thing" to be studied, poked, tested, examined, cut up and invaded. Many times we feel like a specimen--a non-person. This is the stage of hanging-on and hanging-in and a time to consider courage. I found comfort in this statement:
The only kind of ;courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.
The pain may be sharp, the misery deep, but the commitment to another day, another moment must be made.
This period raises some hard questions: What is the purpose of my life now? Does my life have any value? Hopes fade and plans go unfinished. We want to be brave and cheerful but only survivors know how much energy this takes out of us.
Still, there are lessons we can learn from this experience. First, we can witness to the fact that pain and suffering are a part of every life. One of my students said, "I will never again so naively think nothing bad can happen to me." Just as weather contains sunny days and rainy days, so do our lives. We can affirm THIS moment. This is where we are now. We have this moment to live and our life has value.
We also learn about the fragility of life. We don't know why some suffer more than others. Cancer causes us to probe deeper into our faith. You may want to say, "Hang in there through this painful period and you may discover God at a deeper level of faith". Our faith is tested during great pain. It's easier if we have been in remission for some time but our goal is to trust God in this painful moment and not just in retrospect later.
Take the time to jot these and other thoughts in your journal and ponder them.
Finally we witness to the fact that we cannot answer these questions. We only learn to live with the mystery and we affirm that we can trust God whatever our life situation.
My grace is sufficient for you--my power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Cor. 12:9
One overwhelming experience during cancer treatment is how easily we lose our humanity. We become a "thing" to be studied, poked, tested, examined, cut up and invaded. Many times we feel like a specimen--a non-person. This is the stage of hanging-on and hanging-in and a time to consider courage. I found comfort in this statement:
The only kind of ;courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.
The pain may be sharp, the misery deep, but the commitment to another day, another moment must be made.
This period raises some hard questions: What is the purpose of my life now? Does my life have any value? Hopes fade and plans go unfinished. We want to be brave and cheerful but only survivors know how much energy this takes out of us.
Still, there are lessons we can learn from this experience. First, we can witness to the fact that pain and suffering are a part of every life. One of my students said, "I will never again so naively think nothing bad can happen to me." Just as weather contains sunny days and rainy days, so do our lives. We can affirm THIS moment. This is where we are now. We have this moment to live and our life has value.
We also learn about the fragility of life. We don't know why some suffer more than others. Cancer causes us to probe deeper into our faith. You may want to say, "Hang in there through this painful period and you may discover God at a deeper level of faith". Our faith is tested during great pain. It's easier if we have been in remission for some time but our goal is to trust God in this painful moment and not just in retrospect later.
Take the time to jot these and other thoughts in your journal and ponder them.
Finally we witness to the fact that we cannot answer these questions. We only learn to live with the mystery and we affirm that we can trust God whatever our life situation.
My grace is sufficient for you--my power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Cor. 12:9
Chapter 4: Naming our pain
One way to manage pain is to name it. When we name something, in a small way, we control it or at least we are able to endure it. The fearful experience becomes a bearable sojourn.
I challenge you to try this. In your journal name the experience you are going through with a name that amuses you, or creates a pleasant image, or is so horrible and exaggerated it surpasses credibility.
During chemo I experienced days when all I could do was sit and stare. I named that a Catatonic Day. This always reminded me of a scene from Harry Potter where with a wave of a wand and uttering of magic words, a person was put in a temporary paralyzed state.
I had Eggshell Days when I felt so fragile I thought I could easily crack. An illustration of Humpty-Dumpty from a childhood nursery-rhyme book comforted me.
There were Mule Kicking Days when my insides felt as if they had undergone a losing bout with a kicking mule.
I had days when I was first infused with chemicals in which I felt as if my body had been zapped and I tingled. Krytonite Day from a Superman comic?
I experienced Cardboard Mouth Days when it felt as if a layer of cardboard coated the roof of my mouth and permeated all I tasted.
Fortunately there were Rainbow Days when unexpected respite came and I had the visceral feeling of a deep surge in my body toward wellness.
My students added other names. There were Bad Hair Days and Smell of Doom Days. There were Call the Plumber Days and Rag-Doll Weakness Days.
Our culture values mastery and control. The pain with cancer is something you can't always control but you CAN claim the power of naming. It may not be the real world for others but may be a saving grace for you.
Now is the time to remember we serve a compassionate yet joyful God. Create a playful world through your journal, affirming that despite suffering, loss and disappointment, a full life can lived.
I challenge you to try this. In your journal name the experience you are going through with a name that amuses you, or creates a pleasant image, or is so horrible and exaggerated it surpasses credibility.
During chemo I experienced days when all I could do was sit and stare. I named that a Catatonic Day. This always reminded me of a scene from Harry Potter where with a wave of a wand and uttering of magic words, a person was put in a temporary paralyzed state.
I had Eggshell Days when I felt so fragile I thought I could easily crack. An illustration of Humpty-Dumpty from a childhood nursery-rhyme book comforted me.
There were Mule Kicking Days when my insides felt as if they had undergone a losing bout with a kicking mule.
I had days when I was first infused with chemicals in which I felt as if my body had been zapped and I tingled. Krytonite Day from a Superman comic?
I experienced Cardboard Mouth Days when it felt as if a layer of cardboard coated the roof of my mouth and permeated all I tasted.
Fortunately there were Rainbow Days when unexpected respite came and I had the visceral feeling of a deep surge in my body toward wellness.
My students added other names. There were Bad Hair Days and Smell of Doom Days. There were Call the Plumber Days and Rag-Doll Weakness Days.
Our culture values mastery and control. The pain with cancer is something you can't always control but you CAN claim the power of naming. It may not be the real world for others but may be a saving grace for you.
Now is the time to remember we serve a compassionate yet joyful God. Create a playful world through your journal, affirming that despite suffering, loss and disappointment, a full life can lived.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Chapter 4: Scribbling and coloring mandalas
As you continue writing in your journal you discover how difficult it is to find words to describe some of your feelings--some of your thoughts--some of your emotions. What words describe something as nebulous as pain--as intense as fear?
For relief, try just scribbling. Without a planned design, think about your state of mind regarding pain, or courage, or your life in general at the moment, and just scribble lines. Make them thickk or thin, light or heavy, straight or swirly. Through the connection of your mind, your arm movements, and pencil on paper, let go the tensions you may feel in a certain area of your life..release built-up frustrations..scribble freely. The beauty of scribble is that it transcends artistic ability and you may discover something about yourself and how you are feeling about your life right now.
Colors are another non-verbal way to get at your feelings. I often use coloring in my classes. The first time I gave a box of fresh crayons to my students I was afraid they would think it was too childish. I was surprisingly pleased at the enthusiasm and enjoyment of my students in this activity. The number of adult coloring books for sale testifies to the fact that coloring isn't just for children. Coloring can smooth out the ripples in your ups and downs with cancer.
I find mandalas are particularly good for getting in touch with depth feelings and there are a number of good mandala coloring books on the market.
Mandala (a Sanskrit word meaning "healing circle") is an art form going back 2,500 years. Though originally practiced by Buddhist monks in Tibet, it is found in almost all cultures. Some date it back to cave drawings and rock inscriptions created by our primitive ancestors. These circular mandalas are created to bring balance, harmony and healing into your life. Letting the conscious mind go, we sink into coloring our mandala without tryng to analyze it. We use it to understand something about ourselves during our cancer experience.
My book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, gives instructions on how to create your own mandala for coloring.
Sometimes sculpture, painting or a craft will open a truth to you. It may speak with power to you personally.
The experience of cancer and our feelings about it can never be fully explained logically. Use all the methods that work for you as we seek to LEARN from our experience with cancer.
For relief, try just scribbling. Without a planned design, think about your state of mind regarding pain, or courage, or your life in general at the moment, and just scribble lines. Make them thickk or thin, light or heavy, straight or swirly. Through the connection of your mind, your arm movements, and pencil on paper, let go the tensions you may feel in a certain area of your life..release built-up frustrations..scribble freely. The beauty of scribble is that it transcends artistic ability and you may discover something about yourself and how you are feeling about your life right now.
Colors are another non-verbal way to get at your feelings. I often use coloring in my classes. The first time I gave a box of fresh crayons to my students I was afraid they would think it was too childish. I was surprisingly pleased at the enthusiasm and enjoyment of my students in this activity. The number of adult coloring books for sale testifies to the fact that coloring isn't just for children. Coloring can smooth out the ripples in your ups and downs with cancer.
I find mandalas are particularly good for getting in touch with depth feelings and there are a number of good mandala coloring books on the market.
Mandala (a Sanskrit word meaning "healing circle") is an art form going back 2,500 years. Though originally practiced by Buddhist monks in Tibet, it is found in almost all cultures. Some date it back to cave drawings and rock inscriptions created by our primitive ancestors. These circular mandalas are created to bring balance, harmony and healing into your life. Letting the conscious mind go, we sink into coloring our mandala without tryng to analyze it. We use it to understand something about ourselves during our cancer experience.
My book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, gives instructions on how to create your own mandala for coloring.
Sometimes sculpture, painting or a craft will open a truth to you. It may speak with power to you personally.
The experience of cancer and our feelings about it can never be fully explained logically. Use all the methods that work for you as we seek to LEARN from our experience with cancer.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Chapter 4: Patience
Patience is a lesson cancer teaches us. There is so much waiting involved--waiting to see the doctor--waiting for test results--waiting for medicine to work--waiting to feel better and on and on. You may have come to your cancer from a world of whirlwind schedules and fix-it-now agendas. Suddenly everything slows down. You feel out of the mainstream of life as the world continues at its frantic pace--without you. How do you fill the dead spaces and numbness that comes from long hours of waiting-- all those moments unexpectedly wasted as you wait?
It is obvious that waiting is easier for some than others. Many find their waiting periods to be characterized by nervous anticipation and tension. But waiting can become times of observation and reflection. One assignment I give my students is to take your journal to your next doctor's appointment and write down what you see as you wait. One of my students wrote:
"I'm in the waiting room at radiation/oncology. It won't be my turn for a while so instead of reading, I decide to sit and really look at the other patients around me. Someone is working on a puzzle that is on the table to help pass time. I think this is how she controls her thoughts. She is intent on the pieces she picks up. Maybe she is trying to put the pieces of her life back together. Another person shifts restlessly in her chair watching the door to the treatment area. I think she is anxious to finish her allotted number of treatments and get on with her life. And another person just sits and stares into the space in front of her with a disbelieving gaze, probably at her diagnosis of cancer and her future. Then I realize that all of these people are actually me and that their thoughts, actions and feelings are mine." by Fay Austin
Looking outside yourself is one way to cope with waiting. Another is to turn inward to a time of reflection. Here is a statement to ponder in your journal:
If you are used to your needs being gratified immediately, waiting can be a lesson cancer teaches us and a reminder of how God is so patient with us.
Does this tell us something about ourselves? Cancer offers us endless opportunities to learn about ourselves as we seek to master the art of waiting.
It is obvious that waiting is easier for some than others. Many find their waiting periods to be characterized by nervous anticipation and tension. But waiting can become times of observation and reflection. One assignment I give my students is to take your journal to your next doctor's appointment and write down what you see as you wait. One of my students wrote:
"I'm in the waiting room at radiation/oncology. It won't be my turn for a while so instead of reading, I decide to sit and really look at the other patients around me. Someone is working on a puzzle that is on the table to help pass time. I think this is how she controls her thoughts. She is intent on the pieces she picks up. Maybe she is trying to put the pieces of her life back together. Another person shifts restlessly in her chair watching the door to the treatment area. I think she is anxious to finish her allotted number of treatments and get on with her life. And another person just sits and stares into the space in front of her with a disbelieving gaze, probably at her diagnosis of cancer and her future. Then I realize that all of these people are actually me and that their thoughts, actions and feelings are mine." by Fay Austin
Looking outside yourself is one way to cope with waiting. Another is to turn inward to a time of reflection. Here is a statement to ponder in your journal:
If you are used to your needs being gratified immediately, waiting can be a lesson cancer teaches us and a reminder of how God is so patient with us.
Does this tell us something about ourselves? Cancer offers us endless opportunities to learn about ourselves as we seek to master the art of waiting.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Chapter 4: Endurance
The poet Robert Frost said "The best way out is always through." In this session you are in the eye of the hurricane. We consider the long, painful stretch of treatments--the "hanging-in" stage--the "going through" stage. If you are currently undergoing treatment this session may offer you helpful suggestions. If you are a long term survivor, it is good to revisit your reactions during this treatment period because there is much to learn about yourself here.
Consider Pain. Though researchers are discovering new ways to lessen our pain, the reality is: Cancer is Painful! We do not often get the opportunity to reflect and talk about what it is like to be in pain. We get so weary of feeling bad. Physical pain takes a great deal of our energy. Tolerance for pain gets chipped away over the long haul.
Just as we are all unique in background and memories we also have different pain levels. Some have great tolerance for pain, others have little. Acknowledge your particular level of pain endurance and then accept it. To fight against pain seem counter productive and seems to give power to the pain. Concentrate instead on gathering all your inner resources and accepting the pain. The suffering is as real as ever but the endurance of pain as a negative power is weakened and pain becomes an accomplishment for the sufferer.
Hard pain has been compared to waves in the ocean. One sweeps over you--then another. It peaks in intensity then lessens, only to be followed by another wave.
Many members of my cancer classes use a mantra (a short phrase you say over and over) to accompany these waves of pain. For me, the phrase "Jesus, son of God", as I breath in, "Have Mercy on me", as I breath out, has been helpful. I remember one night in the hospital, while I was waiting out the long hours until I could take another pain pill, saying this mantra over and over, parrot-like. It got me through the night.
The Catholic priest, Thomas Merton, raises some interesting thoughts on suffering. He said, "The Christian must not only accept suffering, he must make it holy. Nothing so easily becomes unholy as suffering. It is natural to prefer comfort to pain but beyond comfort lies grace".
2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.
You might want to reflect on these thoughts in your journal.
.
Consider Pain. Though researchers are discovering new ways to lessen our pain, the reality is: Cancer is Painful! We do not often get the opportunity to reflect and talk about what it is like to be in pain. We get so weary of feeling bad. Physical pain takes a great deal of our energy. Tolerance for pain gets chipped away over the long haul.
Just as we are all unique in background and memories we also have different pain levels. Some have great tolerance for pain, others have little. Acknowledge your particular level of pain endurance and then accept it. To fight against pain seem counter productive and seems to give power to the pain. Concentrate instead on gathering all your inner resources and accepting the pain. The suffering is as real as ever but the endurance of pain as a negative power is weakened and pain becomes an accomplishment for the sufferer.
Hard pain has been compared to waves in the ocean. One sweeps over you--then another. It peaks in intensity then lessens, only to be followed by another wave.
Many members of my cancer classes use a mantra (a short phrase you say over and over) to accompany these waves of pain. For me, the phrase "Jesus, son of God", as I breath in, "Have Mercy on me", as I breath out, has been helpful. I remember one night in the hospital, while I was waiting out the long hours until I could take another pain pill, saying this mantra over and over, parrot-like. It got me through the night.
The Catholic priest, Thomas Merton, raises some interesting thoughts on suffering. He said, "The Christian must not only accept suffering, he must make it holy. Nothing so easily becomes unholy as suffering. It is natural to prefer comfort to pain but beyond comfort lies grace".
2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.
You might want to reflect on these thoughts in your journal.
.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Chapter 3: The power of words
One more post on the power of words and a look at how we tell our cancer story. Telling our individual cancer story is good and bad.
It is GOOD when we need the love and support of others, when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open to receiving help and support and sympathy. Telling our story can be therapeutic. It is also good when our story may be of help to others.
It is BAD if we get stuck in the story. To ourselves our story is intensely interesting but not necessarily to others. If we catch ourselves telling about our experience with cancer--over and over-- in the same way--with the same words--we are stuck in our story. And it is so easy to do! We may move into this habit without realizing it.
I was shocked to discover I was stuck in my story at the Beauty Parlor. When someone commented that my hair looked nice (as ladies do at Beauty Parlors) I would launch into my cancer story--how I recently had NO hair--what it was like to lose it all with cancer. Then on and on through my whole story. No matter that the eyes of the listeners were glazed over. No matter that these ladies were complete strangers, I told my story.
This happened several times before I realized--I was stuck in my story. Have any of you had a similar experience?
It is GOOD when we need the love and support of others, when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open to receiving help and support and sympathy. Telling our story can be therapeutic. It is also good when our story may be of help to others.
It is BAD if we get stuck in the story. To ourselves our story is intensely interesting but not necessarily to others. If we catch ourselves telling about our experience with cancer--over and over-- in the same way--with the same words--we are stuck in our story. And it is so easy to do! We may move into this habit without realizing it.
I was shocked to discover I was stuck in my story at the Beauty Parlor. When someone commented that my hair looked nice (as ladies do at Beauty Parlors) I would launch into my cancer story--how I recently had NO hair--what it was like to lose it all with cancer. Then on and on through my whole story. No matter that the eyes of the listeners were glazed over. No matter that these ladies were complete strangers, I told my story.
This happened several times before I realized--I was stuck in my story. Have any of you had a similar experience?
Chapter 3: Accepting your diagnosis
By now we have acknowledged that we do have cancer! It is a very real experience in our life. An excellent book I have read for coming to grips with our situation is "Yet Life is a Triumph" by Sharon Carr, preface by James T. Laney, president, Emory University, copyright, Emory University 1991. It is difficult to find a copy of this book but well worth the search. Her poetry has, for me, a way of nailing the feelings accompanying cancer yet pointing always to a deeper meaning:
" I will never forget the gulp
That meant the end of my dreams
And the start of Your meaning."
Sharon Carr
Sharon Carr
As well as poetry, art and fantasy are ways of coming to terms with our experience.
The image of dragons is a good one for me. Fire-breathing dragons represent all the monstrous, devouring elements of cancer. Now YOU are the brave knight going forth to slay this dragon. Bravely you face this representation of the emotions you fear. Project them all onto the dragon. Be bold and brave. You are going to slay this monster. As they say in fairy tales: "It is not an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons."
Monday, May 21, 2012
Chapter 3: Other ways of responding
As we continue to reflect on the moment of receiving our cancer diagnosis let's go dramatic! This exercise is fun to do in a class but can also be beneficial to do alone.
Following is a list of 8 responses persons have given to a diagnosis of cancer. Pretend you are the persons giving this response. Except-- you are to take it to the extreme. Become a drama queen. Let yourself go. Overact. Get into the response of this imaginary person.
1. Make your response as dramatically as you can. For example: " No one has ever had anything this terrible happen---etc."
2. Respond with apology. "I am so sorry. I know this is ruining your life and it is all my fault because---etc."
3. Respond with denial. "This is a terrible mistake. I know the tests are wrong because---etc."
4. Respond with blame. "This is all your fault. Why didn't you tell me about the dangers of---etc."
5. Respond with resentment. "I don't deserve this. I have always been such a good person. It isn't fair ----etc."
6. Laugh it off. "Come on. You're kidding, right? I'll ignore it and it will probably go away. After all----etc."
7. Respond with guilt. "I deserve this illness because of the life I have lived. This is my punishment for--etc."
8. Respond with anger. "No! I haven't got time for this. I have definite plans to---etc."
By exaggerating we realize how ridiculous all these responses are. Yet there are elements of each of these in all of us. Here is an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves. Look non-judgmentally at the way you tell your cancer story. Are you looking for sympathy? even pity? Do you secretly enjoy all the attention? Is the focus on ME? Confront any unhealthy pattern.
Ask yourself: Is this the self I want to present to the world?
There is power in language. Look at how you refer to yourself. Do you speak about yourself as a victim? a patient? a survivor? Our words can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Following is a list of 8 responses persons have given to a diagnosis of cancer. Pretend you are the persons giving this response. Except-- you are to take it to the extreme. Become a drama queen. Let yourself go. Overact. Get into the response of this imaginary person.
1. Make your response as dramatically as you can. For example: " No one has ever had anything this terrible happen---etc."
2. Respond with apology. "I am so sorry. I know this is ruining your life and it is all my fault because---etc."
3. Respond with denial. "This is a terrible mistake. I know the tests are wrong because---etc."
4. Respond with blame. "This is all your fault. Why didn't you tell me about the dangers of---etc."
5. Respond with resentment. "I don't deserve this. I have always been such a good person. It isn't fair ----etc."
6. Laugh it off. "Come on. You're kidding, right? I'll ignore it and it will probably go away. After all----etc."
7. Respond with guilt. "I deserve this illness because of the life I have lived. This is my punishment for--etc."
8. Respond with anger. "No! I haven't got time for this. I have definite plans to---etc."
By exaggerating we realize how ridiculous all these responses are. Yet there are elements of each of these in all of us. Here is an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves. Look non-judgmentally at the way you tell your cancer story. Are you looking for sympathy? even pity? Do you secretly enjoy all the attention? Is the focus on ME? Confront any unhealthy pattern.
Ask yourself: Is this the self I want to present to the world?
There is power in language. Look at how you refer to yourself. Do you speak about yourself as a victim? a patient? a survivor? Our words can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Chapter 3: Your response to diagnosis
Learning Point: You discover how you cope with the news that cancer has entered your life.
In earlier posts you have been pondering your uniqueness and getting a picture of you whole life to this moment. More exercises and individual examples on this theme are covered in the first two chapters of my book, Fear Not:Learning from your Cancer.
Now we move on. Though cancer survivors have much in common, each story is unique. What can you learn about yourself from reviewing your cancer story?
Today we begin with the impact of hearing your cancer diagnosis. Ask yourself four questions:
1. Where were you?
2. Who was with you?
3. What was your first reaction?
4. What were your feelings?
Honor this moment by reflecting on it.
One of the biggest surprises I had in teaching this class is how differently persons reacted to the news that they have cancer. There is no RIGHT way to respond--just YOUR way. How did you respond the moment you heard the news?
Consider first, the person who told you the news. Though most of my students received the news from their doctor, the situations were as varied as--one patient who got the news over the telephone from a nurse to another patient whose doctor made a personal call to her home with the news. Try to remember exactly what your doctor said to you.
Whirlwinds of feelings occur for most survivors when they first receive their diagnosis. Shock is a common response, though I have had students (usually those with a family history of cancer) who were expecting this diagnosis. "I remember thinking, now it is my turn" one man said. "My husband looked like a deer in the headlights when he heard the news" another student responded.
Those of us who have experienced cancer know the truth of the myriads of feelings that are triggered with the impact of cancer diagnosis. One of the characteristics common to many cancer patients is that they are not very expressive of their feelings. They tend to keep deep sentiments of anger, fear and resentment to themselves. Just as you can't deal with cancer you haven't detected, so you can't get rid of negative feelings until you recognize them. Admit you lugubrious feelings. Accept cancer's reality in your life. Here is another good time to use your journal. You don't have to burden others with all these feelings.
Now look for insight in your response to your diagnosis. Some of us want to know all the facts of our disease. Others want the barest minimum. Which describes you?
When you are in the midst of a situation you don't have the advantage of perspective. You are just in it. Now you can reflect on the experience of receiving your cancer diagnosis. Don't be hard on yourself or judge yourself in any way. From a distance consider that experience and what you will do with it.
In earlier posts you have been pondering your uniqueness and getting a picture of you whole life to this moment. More exercises and individual examples on this theme are covered in the first two chapters of my book, Fear Not:Learning from your Cancer.
Now we move on. Though cancer survivors have much in common, each story is unique. What can you learn about yourself from reviewing your cancer story?
Today we begin with the impact of hearing your cancer diagnosis. Ask yourself four questions:
1. Where were you?
2. Who was with you?
3. What was your first reaction?
4. What were your feelings?
Honor this moment by reflecting on it.
One of the biggest surprises I had in teaching this class is how differently persons reacted to the news that they have cancer. There is no RIGHT way to respond--just YOUR way. How did you respond the moment you heard the news?
Consider first, the person who told you the news. Though most of my students received the news from their doctor, the situations were as varied as--one patient who got the news over the telephone from a nurse to another patient whose doctor made a personal call to her home with the news. Try to remember exactly what your doctor said to you.
Whirlwinds of feelings occur for most survivors when they first receive their diagnosis. Shock is a common response, though I have had students (usually those with a family history of cancer) who were expecting this diagnosis. "I remember thinking, now it is my turn" one man said. "My husband looked like a deer in the headlights when he heard the news" another student responded.
Those of us who have experienced cancer know the truth of the myriads of feelings that are triggered with the impact of cancer diagnosis. One of the characteristics common to many cancer patients is that they are not very expressive of their feelings. They tend to keep deep sentiments of anger, fear and resentment to themselves. Just as you can't deal with cancer you haven't detected, so you can't get rid of negative feelings until you recognize them. Admit you lugubrious feelings. Accept cancer's reality in your life. Here is another good time to use your journal. You don't have to burden others with all these feelings.
Now look for insight in your response to your diagnosis. Some of us want to know all the facts of our disease. Others want the barest minimum. Which describes you?
When you are in the midst of a situation you don't have the advantage of perspective. You are just in it. Now you can reflect on the experience of receiving your cancer diagnosis. Don't be hard on yourself or judge yourself in any way. From a distance consider that experience and what you will do with it.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Chapter 2: More inspiration
Learning Point:ALL GOOD TIMES ARE NOT IN THE PAST.
We have looked at our personal life with our unique, one-of-a-kind background and individual childhood memories (Posts 8 and 9). Now we stress that happy memories are not just in the past. They are available to us in the here and now. Sometimes when we are first diagnosed with cancer, things in the world around us take on new value. Common, everything things become awesome. One of the things cancer does is wake us up, startle us, open our eyes to blessings we may have taken for granted. The exercises in Posts 4 and 5 help us become more aware, more focused on the Positive. We looked each day for something that surprises us and something that inspires us.
As I write this Post it is May in Virginia. Nature explodes in beauty--wild flowers cover the hill and, in structured gardens, roses and stately boxwoods shout "order" as well as beauty. The Super Moon is in the sky this week and everything is bathed in the scintillating light of its own perfection. I am reminded of a favorite quote from Iris Murdock: "People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us."
But this beauty may become too intense. I once had a woman in my class who was overwhelmed by the miracles of Spring. Her daughter had died just before she herself received her diagnosis of cancer. While the rest of the class were revived and energized by the beauties of Nature, she resented Spring that year. Why was everything so lovely while she was in such pain? The pressure to have a positive attitude was too much for her. She needed a time of hibernation for her soul to find peace in solitude.
This may be true for you. Listen to your own body. In time this woman came out of her dark place with a stronger appreciation and joy in living than ever before. She began to view the world from the perspective of the miraculous. A new perspective is a gift cancer can bring us, if we allow it.
We have looked at our personal life with our unique, one-of-a-kind background and individual childhood memories (Posts 8 and 9). Now we stress that happy memories are not just in the past. They are available to us in the here and now. Sometimes when we are first diagnosed with cancer, things in the world around us take on new value. Common, everything things become awesome. One of the things cancer does is wake us up, startle us, open our eyes to blessings we may have taken for granted. The exercises in Posts 4 and 5 help us become more aware, more focused on the Positive. We looked each day for something that surprises us and something that inspires us.
As I write this Post it is May in Virginia. Nature explodes in beauty--wild flowers cover the hill and, in structured gardens, roses and stately boxwoods shout "order" as well as beauty. The Super Moon is in the sky this week and everything is bathed in the scintillating light of its own perfection. I am reminded of a favorite quote from Iris Murdock: "People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us."
But this beauty may become too intense. I once had a woman in my class who was overwhelmed by the miracles of Spring. Her daughter had died just before she herself received her diagnosis of cancer. While the rest of the class were revived and energized by the beauties of Nature, she resented Spring that year. Why was everything so lovely while she was in such pain? The pressure to have a positive attitude was too much for her. She needed a time of hibernation for her soul to find peace in solitude.
This may be true for you. Listen to your own body. In time this woman came out of her dark place with a stronger appreciation and joy in living than ever before. She began to view the world from the perspective of the miraculous. A new perspective is a gift cancer can bring us, if we allow it.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Chapter 1: all your happy memories are not in the past
If you are having trouble, go further back in your childhood to a time when every day was new and golden. I believe children are born with this potential for happiness. Someone in my class always says: "What if your childhood was unhappy?" Most all of my students can remember some happy moment and it is almost always of some simple experience they had. An imaginary tea party where a girl fed her dolls was what one girl remembered. Sleeping in a featherbed on a cold morning was another's memory. One remembered the fun of climbing trees , another just running as fast as he could. By entering into these past occasions of grace and joy we experience again the gift of God's love.
I always enjoy doing this exercise because as I watch my students, the expressions on their faces soften and worry lines seem to go away.
When the lights are turned back on, I ask the students to let go of the memory but hold on to the feeling of happiness. Some authorities believe that recalling times of happiness actually speeds the healing process. Flood yourself with as many happy memories as you can. These memories are a gift--unique to you alone.
If you have the opportunity, read the poem, "On Turning 10" by Billy Collins. It celebrates the wonders of being a child, small wonders that are open to all.
One caution! Don't let these happy childhood memories make you sad because they are in the past. Rejoice that they were once a part of your life.
What happy memory do you remember? You might wish too add these to your journal.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Chapter 1: your tree of life
Our first learning point is this:YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR CANCER. IT IS ONLY ONE PART OF WHO YOU ARE. Cancer is so all-consuming. We become fixated on questions like: When do I take my medicine? How soon can I take another pain pill? and How can I get comfortable?
Now is a good time to put your life in perspective. In my book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, I use the metaphor of a tree to look at our entire life so far. Our Scripture is Isaiah 61:3b "They will be called Oaks of Righteousness."
If possible actually draw a tree in your journal. You have already considered your roots in Post Roots and how your background affects who you are right now. Now draw the trunk of your tree. Just as trees contain notches and burls and galls, so do our lives. Reflect on the changes in your life as you grew up. Perhaps you had sickness as a child or lost a parent. Maybe you were affected by a move or a financial change at a critical point in your growing up years. Draw these as burls on the trunk of your tree. Add notches at the turning points in your life. Someone may have a smooth trunk from roots to this cancer point. However in leading this workshop I have never had a student whose life was that perfect and smooth. Look at your unique life and what you have already overcome. Your tree is strong and you have survived.
Now move to the branches. Look at the fruit your tree and your life has borne so far. You can add acorns or apples or whatever you chose. On each fruit write some good you have done in your life or some good that was done through you. We are often too hard on ourselves. We emphasize the bad and give short change to the good. As you continue to ponder, more fruits may come to mind. I had a student once who said, "I'll need a lot of time to think about this." After a while, simple, small gestures or acts of kindness that helped others, will surface
.
Our tree and our lives also have broken branches. I have yet to meet anyone who has not experienced failure or loss. It is a part of being human. Add these broken branches to your tree and label each one. It may be as universal as a loss of youth or, as individual as a failure in a relationship or marriage. Reflect on your losses and how they have affected your life.
Now just look at your unique tree. This is your life with all its shortcomings and possibilities. When I do this exercise in class and students share their trees, I am always amazed at how unique each one of us is. No one has ever lived a life exactly like yours. Recall our Scripture. You are called to be an Oak of Righteousness. An oak tree exemplifies nobility, endurance and strength. You, as a cancer survivor, embody all three.
Unique in God's forest, loved and cherished by God, we give thanks for the gift of our individual, distinctive life.
Now is a good time to put your life in perspective. In my book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, I use the metaphor of a tree to look at our entire life so far. Our Scripture is Isaiah 61:3b "They will be called Oaks of Righteousness."
If possible actually draw a tree in your journal. You have already considered your roots in Post Roots and how your background affects who you are right now. Now draw the trunk of your tree. Just as trees contain notches and burls and galls, so do our lives. Reflect on the changes in your life as you grew up. Perhaps you had sickness as a child or lost a parent. Maybe you were affected by a move or a financial change at a critical point in your growing up years. Draw these as burls on the trunk of your tree. Add notches at the turning points in your life. Someone may have a smooth trunk from roots to this cancer point. However in leading this workshop I have never had a student whose life was that perfect and smooth. Look at your unique life and what you have already overcome. Your tree is strong and you have survived.
Now move to the branches. Look at the fruit your tree and your life has borne so far. You can add acorns or apples or whatever you chose. On each fruit write some good you have done in your life or some good that was done through you. We are often too hard on ourselves. We emphasize the bad and give short change to the good. As you continue to ponder, more fruits may come to mind. I had a student once who said, "I'll need a lot of time to think about this." After a while, simple, small gestures or acts of kindness that helped others, will surface
.
Our tree and our lives also have broken branches. I have yet to meet anyone who has not experienced failure or loss. It is a part of being human. Add these broken branches to your tree and label each one. It may be as universal as a loss of youth or, as individual as a failure in a relationship or marriage. Reflect on your losses and how they have affected your life.
Now just look at your unique tree. This is your life with all its shortcomings and possibilities. When I do this exercise in class and students share their trees, I am always amazed at how unique each one of us is. No one has ever lived a life exactly like yours. Recall our Scripture. You are called to be an Oak of Righteousness. An oak tree exemplifies nobility, endurance and strength. You, as a cancer survivor, embody all three.
Unique in God's forest, loved and cherished by God, we give thanks for the gift of our individual, distinctive life.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Chapter 2: Look for inspiration
Greetings cancer survivors.
I hope you have tried the assignment in "look for a surprise"-looking each day for something that surprises you and I hope being deliberately focused has made you more alert, more excited and more optimistic. We look, listen and expect a life-enhancing surprise. Our daily lives are filled with expectation of meaningful sights.
This week let's go a step further. In addition to surprises, look each day for something that inspires you. Add this to your journal. At first you will notice obvious things--things that are suppose to inspire you. As the weeks wear on your observations become more subtle and more authentic. Perhaps you notice the unassuming actions of a hospital attendant, the unexpected kindness of strangers.
Is there one person, or one reading, or, one object that keeps showing up on your list of inspirations? You are learning about yourself. You learn where you can turn on those days when inspiration is badly needed. Here is another place where we can help each other. Share what inspires you. Where have you found inspiration?
Why all this emphasis on looking? Many persons, when diagnosed with cancer discover that things around them take on new value. Common everyday things become filled with awe. One recent student discovered this. She was just completing her chemo sessions with encouraging results. "But, I don't ever want to lose this feeling of being so gratefully aware of being alive." she said.
Think of the millions of sights we encounter every single day. We have the ability to choose which ones we will focus on. Our Scriptures give us a good model to follow in Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whateverer is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable--if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise--think about these things":
Think of these things and look around for them.
WHATEVER WE PAY ATTENTION TO WILL GROW
I hope you have tried the assignment in "look for a surprise"-looking each day for something that surprises you and I hope being deliberately focused has made you more alert, more excited and more optimistic. We look, listen and expect a life-enhancing surprise. Our daily lives are filled with expectation of meaningful sights.
This week let's go a step further. In addition to surprises, look each day for something that inspires you. Add this to your journal. At first you will notice obvious things--things that are suppose to inspire you. As the weeks wear on your observations become more subtle and more authentic. Perhaps you notice the unassuming actions of a hospital attendant, the unexpected kindness of strangers.
Is there one person, or one reading, or, one object that keeps showing up on your list of inspirations? You are learning about yourself. You learn where you can turn on those days when inspiration is badly needed. Here is another place where we can help each other. Share what inspires you. Where have you found inspiration?
Why all this emphasis on looking? Many persons, when diagnosed with cancer discover that things around them take on new value. Common everyday things become filled with awe. One recent student discovered this. She was just completing her chemo sessions with encouraging results. "But, I don't ever want to lose this feeling of being so gratefully aware of being alive." she said.
Think of the millions of sights we encounter every single day. We have the ability to choose which ones we will focus on. Our Scriptures give us a good model to follow in Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whateverer is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable--if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise--think about these things":
Think of these things and look around for them.
WHATEVER WE PAY ATTENTION TO WILL GROW
Monday, April 9, 2012
Chapter 2: Look for a surprise
Good Morning, Cancer Survivors. I have an assignment for you. Every day for at least a week, look for something that SURPRISES you. Surprises are all around us if we have eyes to see. I'm sure you have been told to live each day--to be in the NOW moment, but looking for surprises will take you to another level. Learning to look closely will intensify your awareness of just being alive. Joan Chittister says," When we do not cultivate a sense of surprise we give in to the emotional dysfunction that suffocates the breath of life in us."
Surprises come in many forms. In one class I taught the changing weather of that week was something we were all aware of--on Sunday it snowed and on Thursday the temperature was 80. In between there was rain and fog. All of us noted this and were surprised but one student saw a beautiful rainbow that the rest of us had missed.
Sometimes our surprise comes from human behavior. One student felt too sick to keep her doctor appointment and that evening the doctor came to her house to check on her condition. A house call in this location is indeed a surprise.
Many surprises come from Nature. I usually teach this class during Lent which is Springtime here in Virginia. It seems that every day Nature has a new surprise--a flower appears in an unexpected place--a new bird is spotted.
Some students have found surprises in the newspaper or on TV. Things out of their usual place or order create surprises. One student saw a dead kangaroo by the roadside. In Virginia?
These surprises shock us into an awareness of the mystery that surrounds us and takes us, at least momentarily from the cocoon of self-absorption that cancer can bring.
Be sure to write down these surprises in your journal. Over a period of time patterns will appear that will give you insight into yourself.
.
I would love to hear what surprises you discover.
Surprises come in many forms. In one class I taught the changing weather of that week was something we were all aware of--on Sunday it snowed and on Thursday the temperature was 80. In between there was rain and fog. All of us noted this and were surprised but one student saw a beautiful rainbow that the rest of us had missed.
Sometimes our surprise comes from human behavior. One student felt too sick to keep her doctor appointment and that evening the doctor came to her house to check on her condition. A house call in this location is indeed a surprise.
Many surprises come from Nature. I usually teach this class during Lent which is Springtime here in Virginia. It seems that every day Nature has a new surprise--a flower appears in an unexpected place--a new bird is spotted.
Some students have found surprises in the newspaper or on TV. Things out of their usual place or order create surprises. One student saw a dead kangaroo by the roadside. In Virginia?
These surprises shock us into an awareness of the mystery that surrounds us and takes us, at least momentarily from the cocoon of self-absorption that cancer can bring.
Be sure to write down these surprises in your journal. Over a period of time patterns will appear that will give you insight into yourself.
.
I would love to hear what surprises you discover.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Introduction: keeping a journal
Let me encourage you to keep a journal of your cancer experiences. Whether you have just been diagnosed or, are in remission, this journal will remind you of where you are NOW--what your are feeling and how you are feeling. Every day of your life is worthy of description particularly during this time with cancer. Long term it provides an invaluable reminder of your resilience.
Journaling lets you think about what is happening. Cancer is a struggle that we are compelled to examine and try to understand.
Writing provides a safety valve for the roller-coaster of emotions cancer brings. Here we can complain--whine--question--rand and rave--without losing all our friends. No one needs to see what you have written. It is for your eyes only.
And it will help you in decision making--sorting through confusion and clarifying your thoughts
Look at some testimonies from famous people:
Grahm Greene said "Writing is a form of therapy--sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation."
Alexander Johnson said: "A journal is how memory and meaning finally meet, finding a core image that begins to unlock important connections in a life."
You may even become so fond of your journal you will agree with Oscar Wilde who said, "I never travel without my journal. One should always have something sensational to read on the train".
There are many ways of journaling. Would anyone share an experience or style of journaling that is helpful to them?
.
Journaling lets you think about what is happening. Cancer is a struggle that we are compelled to examine and try to understand.
Writing provides a safety valve for the roller-coaster of emotions cancer brings. Here we can complain--whine--question--rand and rave--without losing all our friends. No one needs to see what you have written. It is for your eyes only.
And it will help you in decision making--sorting through confusion and clarifying your thoughts
Look at some testimonies from famous people:
Grahm Greene said "Writing is a form of therapy--sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation."
Alexander Johnson said: "A journal is how memory and meaning finally meet, finding a core image that begins to unlock important connections in a life."
You may even become so fond of your journal you will agree with Oscar Wilde who said, "I never travel without my journal. One should always have something sensational to read on the train".
There are many ways of journaling. Would anyone share an experience or style of journaling that is helpful to them?
.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Chapter 1: roots
Though cancer survivors have much in common each of us is unique. Begin by considering your roots. What is your religious background? Your parents? grandparents? Next, what are your environmntal roots? Where were you born/raised?
Jill Conway in her book Road from Coorain, says the environment shapes your world view and your predominant myths. Ponder this statement in relation to your life.
Nature has a subtle, profound effect on us. Do you see the world as threatening? harsh? beautiful?predictable?
How do these roots--religious and environmental affect the way you are coping with your cancer?
Jill Conway in her book Road from Coorain, says the environment shapes your world view and your predominant myths. Ponder this statement in relation to your life.
Nature has a subtle, profound effect on us. Do you see the world as threatening? harsh? beautiful?predictable?
How do these roots--religious and environmental affect the way you are coping with your cancer?
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Fear Not: Learning from your Cancer 1.
Welcome Cancer Survivors!
Whatever your particular cancer may be, however old or young you are--Welcome! If you have just received your diagnosis or, if you have been in remission many years--Welcome! Though each case is unique we have much in common.You are a survivor.
You are beginning a journey to study and learn about a most interesting subject--Yourself, especially yourself in crisis. You have gone, or are going through, perhaps the most challenging experience of your life. With courage you will work through your unique cancer history to a point where you can gain a new sense of self in this changed circumstance. By living and pondering it, we can make some sort of sense of the upheavels and suffering.
Whatever your particular cancer may be, however old or young you are--Welcome! If you have just received your diagnosis or, if you have been in remission many years--Welcome! Though each case is unique we have much in common.You are a survivor.
You are beginning a journey to study and learn about a most interesting subject--Yourself, especially yourself in crisis. You have gone, or are going through, perhaps the most challenging experience of your life. With courage you will work through your unique cancer history to a point where you can gain a new sense of self in this changed circumstance. By living and pondering it, we can make some sort of sense of the upheavels and suffering.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)