Chapter 6 Patterns

   In this chapter we will try to put the pieces together, to tie up loose ends and find some clarity.

   First, congratulations for undertaking this study, for having the courage to not only face your serious illness but to seek to learn from it.  And what have you learned about yourself so far?

   Begin by flipping back through your journal to see what patterns emerge.  Look for what works, images, or themes keep reoccurring.  Discovering patterns of behaviour crystallizes new learnings about yourself.  It helps clarify and reinforce new self-understandings.  Not all discoveries are pleasant but all are edifying. 

   Here are some questions to guide you:

• Did any fears continue to resurface?  Ponder where these fears may have come from.  How did or do you deal with them?
• Where did (or do) you feel most challenged in your experience with cancer?
• Is there any unfinished business you need to attend to?
• Look closely.  Is there some untapped potential in your life that cancer has revealed?
• Overall do you see a pattern of optimism or pessimism?
• What or who is your key influence during this period.  Where do you find strength and hope?
• How are you dealing with the current changed circumstances in your life.  How are you adjusting to life with cancer?

   As you study your responses, self-knowledge may jump out at you immediately. For others it may be many months before a clear picture appears.. There IS a pattern which illustrates who you are now through this cancer challenge.

   Let this just be a beginning.  Hopefully you won't stop learning about yourself through every stage of your cancer.  Continue to work to expand, correct, and understand with new, more sensitive antennae for detecting experiences, past and present.  These dark nights are given us for a reason.  If not treated as growth they will destroy us.