Chapter 6 Gains or Losses?

   It is time now to pause and take stock, to consider where you have been and what you have learned.

   Though new and encouraging discoveries are being made constantly, cancer is still a frightening word to many, a forecast of a death sentence.

   It surprises some persons to hear that many more cancer survivors experience "gains" rather than "losses" through this period.  "I didn't realize there could be anything positive about it", one survivor said.

   Make a list in your journal: what have you lost with cancer and what have you gained?

   Most in my cancer classes agreed with Pat, a cancer survivor, who wrote: "When I think of what cancer took from me I come up with a very short list: 1. a non-essential body part and 2. a few rather tough weeks out of my life.  The things cancer gave me make a longer list---"

   Following are some quotes from cancer survivors on the positive side of cancer, the gains.  They seem to fall into four categories.

1. Awareness of your strength and resilience:
     "Cancer has empowered me to be myself."
     "I am dealing with a powerful illness that I have fought successfully once and can and will do it again and again if I need to."
     "I have inner strength.  It took a crises for me to realize it."
     "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

2. Deepened relationship with others:
     "I have learned how kind and thoughtful people are."
     "Cancer opened my heart to the beauty of others."
     "I learned the absolute joy of simply hugging people."
     "You realize you are not alone."

3.  A changed attitude, striving less to recover what you have been, more to discover what you might be.
     "I have rearranged my priorities."
     "I don't sweat the small stuff anymore."
     "I have changed my perspective."
     " I was always getting ready for rainy days and I was missing the  days    of  sunshine."
     "I try to be open to all possibilities."
     " No time to dwell on "Why Me?" Its time to say "What Now?"
     "Remembering misery I am living in gratitude."
     " As is sit and reflect on the past year it is not the pain, nausea or even the many needle sticks that I remember but the many wonderful people and blessings that have come into my life'
     " I've faced my mortality and learned to live life to the fullest."

4.  Appreciation of the gift of life itself.
     "Life is more precious."
     "I am more sensitive to the presence of God, not rules to be followed or spiritual tricks to perform, just companionship with God."
     "Sickness was a force that brought growth and seasoned understanding and led me to a new depth of happiness."
     "I believe in miracles."
     "I realize the value of my life and the importance of each day."

Life after a critical illness does not go back to where it was before.  As these survivors testify, the unwanted experience can make you richer and surer.