Chapter 4: Patience

   Patience is a lesson cancer teaches us.  There is so much waiting involved--waiting to see the doctor--waiting for test results--waiting for medicine to work--waiting to feel better and on and on.  You may have come to your cancer from a world of whirlwind schedules and fix-it-now agendas.  Suddenly everything slows down.  You feel out of the mainstream of life as the world continues at its frantic pace--without you.  How do you fill the dead spaces and numbness that comes from long hours of waiting-- all those moments unexpectedly wasted as you wait?

   It is obvious that waiting is easier for some than others.  Many find their waiting periods to be characterized by nervous anticipation and tension.  But waiting can become times of observation and reflection.  One assignment I give my students is to take your journal to your next doctor's appointment and write down what you see as you wait.  One of my students wrote:

"I'm in the waiting room at radiation/oncology.  It won't be my turn for a while so instead of reading, I decide to sit and really look at the other patients around me.  Someone is working on a puzzle that is on the table to help pass time.  I think this is how she controls her thoughts.  She is intent on the pieces she picks up.  Maybe she is trying to put the pieces of her life back together.  Another person shifts restlessly in her chair watching the door to the treatment area.  I think she is anxious to finish her allotted number of treatments and get on with her life.  And another person just sits and stares into the space in front of her with a disbelieving gaze, probably at her diagnosis of cancer and her future.  Then I realize that all of these people are actually me and that their thoughts, actions and feelings are mine."                                                                          by Fay Austin

   Looking outside yourself is one way to cope with waiting.  Another is to turn inward to a time of reflection.  Here is a statement to ponder in your journal:
   If you are used to your needs being gratified immediately, waiting can be a lesson cancer teaches us and a reminder of how God is so patient with us.

   Does this tell us something about ourselves?  Cancer offers us endless opportunities to learn about ourselves as we seek to master the art of waiting.