Learning Point:ALL GOOD TIMES ARE NOT IN THE PAST.
We have looked at our personal life with our unique, one-of-a-kind background and individual childhood memories (Posts 8 and 9). Now we stress that happy memories are not just in the past. They are available to us in the here and now. Sometimes when we are first diagnosed with cancer, things in the world around us take on new value. Common, everything things become awesome. One of the things cancer does is wake us up, startle us, open our eyes to blessings we may have taken for granted. The exercises in Posts 4 and 5 help us become more aware, more focused on the Positive. We looked each day for something that surprises us and something that inspires us.
As I write this Post it is May in Virginia. Nature explodes in beauty--wild flowers cover the hill and, in structured gardens, roses and stately boxwoods shout "order" as well as beauty. The Super Moon is in the sky this week and everything is bathed in the scintillating light of its own perfection. I am reminded of a favorite quote from Iris Murdock: "People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us."
But this beauty may become too intense. I once had a woman in my class who was overwhelmed by the miracles of Spring. Her daughter had died just before she herself received her diagnosis of cancer. While the rest of the class were revived and energized by the beauties of Nature, she resented Spring that year. Why was everything so lovely while she was in such pain? The pressure to have a positive attitude was too much for her. She needed a time of hibernation for her soul to find peace in solitude.
This may be true for you. Listen to your own body. In time this woman came out of her dark place with a stronger appreciation and joy in living than ever before. She began to view the world from the perspective of the miraculous. A new perspective is a gift cancer can bring us, if we allow it.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Chapter 1: all your happy memories are not in the past
If you are having trouble, go further back in your childhood to a time when every day was new and golden. I believe children are born with this potential for happiness. Someone in my class always says: "What if your childhood was unhappy?" Most all of my students can remember some happy moment and it is almost always of some simple experience they had. An imaginary tea party where a girl fed her dolls was what one girl remembered. Sleeping in a featherbed on a cold morning was another's memory. One remembered the fun of climbing trees , another just running as fast as he could. By entering into these past occasions of grace and joy we experience again the gift of God's love.
I always enjoy doing this exercise because as I watch my students, the expressions on their faces soften and worry lines seem to go away.
When the lights are turned back on, I ask the students to let go of the memory but hold on to the feeling of happiness. Some authorities believe that recalling times of happiness actually speeds the healing process. Flood yourself with as many happy memories as you can. These memories are a gift--unique to you alone.
If you have the opportunity, read the poem, "On Turning 10" by Billy Collins. It celebrates the wonders of being a child, small wonders that are open to all.
One caution! Don't let these happy childhood memories make you sad because they are in the past. Rejoice that they were once a part of your life.
What happy memory do you remember? You might wish too add these to your journal.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Chapter 1: your tree of life
Our first learning point is this:YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR CANCER. IT IS ONLY ONE PART OF WHO YOU ARE. Cancer is so all-consuming. We become fixated on questions like: When do I take my medicine? How soon can I take another pain pill? and How can I get comfortable?
Now is a good time to put your life in perspective. In my book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, I use the metaphor of a tree to look at our entire life so far. Our Scripture is Isaiah 61:3b "They will be called Oaks of Righteousness."
If possible actually draw a tree in your journal. You have already considered your roots in Post Roots and how your background affects who you are right now. Now draw the trunk of your tree. Just as trees contain notches and burls and galls, so do our lives. Reflect on the changes in your life as you grew up. Perhaps you had sickness as a child or lost a parent. Maybe you were affected by a move or a financial change at a critical point in your growing up years. Draw these as burls on the trunk of your tree. Add notches at the turning points in your life. Someone may have a smooth trunk from roots to this cancer point. However in leading this workshop I have never had a student whose life was that perfect and smooth. Look at your unique life and what you have already overcome. Your tree is strong and you have survived.
Now move to the branches. Look at the fruit your tree and your life has borne so far. You can add acorns or apples or whatever you chose. On each fruit write some good you have done in your life or some good that was done through you. We are often too hard on ourselves. We emphasize the bad and give short change to the good. As you continue to ponder, more fruits may come to mind. I had a student once who said, "I'll need a lot of time to think about this." After a while, simple, small gestures or acts of kindness that helped others, will surface
.
Our tree and our lives also have broken branches. I have yet to meet anyone who has not experienced failure or loss. It is a part of being human. Add these broken branches to your tree and label each one. It may be as universal as a loss of youth or, as individual as a failure in a relationship or marriage. Reflect on your losses and how they have affected your life.
Now just look at your unique tree. This is your life with all its shortcomings and possibilities. When I do this exercise in class and students share their trees, I am always amazed at how unique each one of us is. No one has ever lived a life exactly like yours. Recall our Scripture. You are called to be an Oak of Righteousness. An oak tree exemplifies nobility, endurance and strength. You, as a cancer survivor, embody all three.
Unique in God's forest, loved and cherished by God, we give thanks for the gift of our individual, distinctive life.
Now is a good time to put your life in perspective. In my book, Fear Not! Learning from your Cancer, I use the metaphor of a tree to look at our entire life so far. Our Scripture is Isaiah 61:3b "They will be called Oaks of Righteousness."
If possible actually draw a tree in your journal. You have already considered your roots in Post Roots and how your background affects who you are right now. Now draw the trunk of your tree. Just as trees contain notches and burls and galls, so do our lives. Reflect on the changes in your life as you grew up. Perhaps you had sickness as a child or lost a parent. Maybe you were affected by a move or a financial change at a critical point in your growing up years. Draw these as burls on the trunk of your tree. Add notches at the turning points in your life. Someone may have a smooth trunk from roots to this cancer point. However in leading this workshop I have never had a student whose life was that perfect and smooth. Look at your unique life and what you have already overcome. Your tree is strong and you have survived.
Now move to the branches. Look at the fruit your tree and your life has borne so far. You can add acorns or apples or whatever you chose. On each fruit write some good you have done in your life or some good that was done through you. We are often too hard on ourselves. We emphasize the bad and give short change to the good. As you continue to ponder, more fruits may come to mind. I had a student once who said, "I'll need a lot of time to think about this." After a while, simple, small gestures or acts of kindness that helped others, will surface
.
Our tree and our lives also have broken branches. I have yet to meet anyone who has not experienced failure or loss. It is a part of being human. Add these broken branches to your tree and label each one. It may be as universal as a loss of youth or, as individual as a failure in a relationship or marriage. Reflect on your losses and how they have affected your life.
Now just look at your unique tree. This is your life with all its shortcomings and possibilities. When I do this exercise in class and students share their trees, I am always amazed at how unique each one of us is. No one has ever lived a life exactly like yours. Recall our Scripture. You are called to be an Oak of Righteousness. An oak tree exemplifies nobility, endurance and strength. You, as a cancer survivor, embody all three.
Unique in God's forest, loved and cherished by God, we give thanks for the gift of our individual, distinctive life.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Chapter 2: Look for inspiration
Greetings cancer survivors.
I hope you have tried the assignment in "look for a surprise"-looking each day for something that surprises you and I hope being deliberately focused has made you more alert, more excited and more optimistic. We look, listen and expect a life-enhancing surprise. Our daily lives are filled with expectation of meaningful sights.
This week let's go a step further. In addition to surprises, look each day for something that inspires you. Add this to your journal. At first you will notice obvious things--things that are suppose to inspire you. As the weeks wear on your observations become more subtle and more authentic. Perhaps you notice the unassuming actions of a hospital attendant, the unexpected kindness of strangers.
Is there one person, or one reading, or, one object that keeps showing up on your list of inspirations? You are learning about yourself. You learn where you can turn on those days when inspiration is badly needed. Here is another place where we can help each other. Share what inspires you. Where have you found inspiration?
Why all this emphasis on looking? Many persons, when diagnosed with cancer discover that things around them take on new value. Common everyday things become filled with awe. One recent student discovered this. She was just completing her chemo sessions with encouraging results. "But, I don't ever want to lose this feeling of being so gratefully aware of being alive." she said.
Think of the millions of sights we encounter every single day. We have the ability to choose which ones we will focus on. Our Scriptures give us a good model to follow in Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whateverer is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable--if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise--think about these things":
Think of these things and look around for them.
WHATEVER WE PAY ATTENTION TO WILL GROW
I hope you have tried the assignment in "look for a surprise"-looking each day for something that surprises you and I hope being deliberately focused has made you more alert, more excited and more optimistic. We look, listen and expect a life-enhancing surprise. Our daily lives are filled with expectation of meaningful sights.
This week let's go a step further. In addition to surprises, look each day for something that inspires you. Add this to your journal. At first you will notice obvious things--things that are suppose to inspire you. As the weeks wear on your observations become more subtle and more authentic. Perhaps you notice the unassuming actions of a hospital attendant, the unexpected kindness of strangers.
Is there one person, or one reading, or, one object that keeps showing up on your list of inspirations? You are learning about yourself. You learn where you can turn on those days when inspiration is badly needed. Here is another place where we can help each other. Share what inspires you. Where have you found inspiration?
Why all this emphasis on looking? Many persons, when diagnosed with cancer discover that things around them take on new value. Common everyday things become filled with awe. One recent student discovered this. She was just completing her chemo sessions with encouraging results. "But, I don't ever want to lose this feeling of being so gratefully aware of being alive." she said.
Think of the millions of sights we encounter every single day. We have the ability to choose which ones we will focus on. Our Scriptures give us a good model to follow in Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whateverer is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable--if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise--think about these things":
Think of these things and look around for them.
WHATEVER WE PAY ATTENTION TO WILL GROW
Monday, April 9, 2012
Chapter 2: Look for a surprise
Good Morning, Cancer Survivors. I have an assignment for you. Every day for at least a week, look for something that SURPRISES you. Surprises are all around us if we have eyes to see. I'm sure you have been told to live each day--to be in the NOW moment, but looking for surprises will take you to another level. Learning to look closely will intensify your awareness of just being alive. Joan Chittister says," When we do not cultivate a sense of surprise we give in to the emotional dysfunction that suffocates the breath of life in us."
Surprises come in many forms. In one class I taught the changing weather of that week was something we were all aware of--on Sunday it snowed and on Thursday the temperature was 80. In between there was rain and fog. All of us noted this and were surprised but one student saw a beautiful rainbow that the rest of us had missed.
Sometimes our surprise comes from human behavior. One student felt too sick to keep her doctor appointment and that evening the doctor came to her house to check on her condition. A house call in this location is indeed a surprise.
Many surprises come from Nature. I usually teach this class during Lent which is Springtime here in Virginia. It seems that every day Nature has a new surprise--a flower appears in an unexpected place--a new bird is spotted.
Some students have found surprises in the newspaper or on TV. Things out of their usual place or order create surprises. One student saw a dead kangaroo by the roadside. In Virginia?
These surprises shock us into an awareness of the mystery that surrounds us and takes us, at least momentarily from the cocoon of self-absorption that cancer can bring.
Be sure to write down these surprises in your journal. Over a period of time patterns will appear that will give you insight into yourself.
.
I would love to hear what surprises you discover.
Surprises come in many forms. In one class I taught the changing weather of that week was something we were all aware of--on Sunday it snowed and on Thursday the temperature was 80. In between there was rain and fog. All of us noted this and were surprised but one student saw a beautiful rainbow that the rest of us had missed.
Sometimes our surprise comes from human behavior. One student felt too sick to keep her doctor appointment and that evening the doctor came to her house to check on her condition. A house call in this location is indeed a surprise.
Many surprises come from Nature. I usually teach this class during Lent which is Springtime here in Virginia. It seems that every day Nature has a new surprise--a flower appears in an unexpected place--a new bird is spotted.
Some students have found surprises in the newspaper or on TV. Things out of their usual place or order create surprises. One student saw a dead kangaroo by the roadside. In Virginia?
These surprises shock us into an awareness of the mystery that surrounds us and takes us, at least momentarily from the cocoon of self-absorption that cancer can bring.
Be sure to write down these surprises in your journal. Over a period of time patterns will appear that will give you insight into yourself.
.
I would love to hear what surprises you discover.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Introduction: keeping a journal
Let me encourage you to keep a journal of your cancer experiences. Whether you have just been diagnosed or, are in remission, this journal will remind you of where you are NOW--what your are feeling and how you are feeling. Every day of your life is worthy of description particularly during this time with cancer. Long term it provides an invaluable reminder of your resilience.
Journaling lets you think about what is happening. Cancer is a struggle that we are compelled to examine and try to understand.
Writing provides a safety valve for the roller-coaster of emotions cancer brings. Here we can complain--whine--question--rand and rave--without losing all our friends. No one needs to see what you have written. It is for your eyes only.
And it will help you in decision making--sorting through confusion and clarifying your thoughts
Look at some testimonies from famous people:
Grahm Greene said "Writing is a form of therapy--sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation."
Alexander Johnson said: "A journal is how memory and meaning finally meet, finding a core image that begins to unlock important connections in a life."
You may even become so fond of your journal you will agree with Oscar Wilde who said, "I never travel without my journal. One should always have something sensational to read on the train".
There are many ways of journaling. Would anyone share an experience or style of journaling that is helpful to them?
.
Journaling lets you think about what is happening. Cancer is a struggle that we are compelled to examine and try to understand.
Writing provides a safety valve for the roller-coaster of emotions cancer brings. Here we can complain--whine--question--rand and rave--without losing all our friends. No one needs to see what you have written. It is for your eyes only.
And it will help you in decision making--sorting through confusion and clarifying your thoughts
Look at some testimonies from famous people:
Grahm Greene said "Writing is a form of therapy--sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in the human situation."
Alexander Johnson said: "A journal is how memory and meaning finally meet, finding a core image that begins to unlock important connections in a life."
You may even become so fond of your journal you will agree with Oscar Wilde who said, "I never travel without my journal. One should always have something sensational to read on the train".
There are many ways of journaling. Would anyone share an experience or style of journaling that is helpful to them?
.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Chapter 1: roots
Though cancer survivors have much in common each of us is unique. Begin by considering your roots. What is your religious background? Your parents? grandparents? Next, what are your environmntal roots? Where were you born/raised?
Jill Conway in her book Road from Coorain, says the environment shapes your world view and your predominant myths. Ponder this statement in relation to your life.
Nature has a subtle, profound effect on us. Do you see the world as threatening? harsh? beautiful?predictable?
How do these roots--religious and environmental affect the way you are coping with your cancer?
Jill Conway in her book Road from Coorain, says the environment shapes your world view and your predominant myths. Ponder this statement in relation to your life.
Nature has a subtle, profound effect on us. Do you see the world as threatening? harsh? beautiful?predictable?
How do these roots--religious and environmental affect the way you are coping with your cancer?
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